So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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