my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I need a beard to bite.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Panties = found
Randomize
