it's like heaven, but drunker
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
i believe in u and ur pee
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
