I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
birth control should be required to get into college
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
whose parrot is this?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
