I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
