i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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