dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
How external is "for external use only"?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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