Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
