who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
