3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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