dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
