awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
