it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
In other news, I just burned my penis
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
