I cockslap morals
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
