May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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