Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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