I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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