No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
