Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
