Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize