Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
