if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Please don't give away my fajitas
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
