Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
