Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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