Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
