I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
