Someone shit on the floor
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
