You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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