TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
