They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Randomize
