on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
