Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
It's official drugs can't kill me
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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