i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
