why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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