I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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