new low.... made out with someone while peeing
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Randomize
