He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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