there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
