Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
