I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
