I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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