ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
