Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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