I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
