Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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