I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
