omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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