went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
