dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
