I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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