i came on her dog
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
