I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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