I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
