I want to have your abortion
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
