so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize