Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You were trust falling into bushes
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
