Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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