i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
