Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
