Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize