i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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