Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
