All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
