we're making bets on your personal life
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
