Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
