there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You ever have a fart follow you around?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
