that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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