SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
