So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
