Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
